Friday, December 16, 2005

Beautiful Agony

Have you ever wondered what random people look like while having an orgasm? Yeah, me neither. But that hasn't stopped the website, Beautiful Agony from putting together videos and videos of people just having orgasms.

They even have free samples for you to indulge your voyeuristic tendencies. Enjoy! :)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

If only dreams came true

Yes, die! die! die!

Ok, I know "die" actually means "the" but I can hope, right?

Die hiltons! die or at least just go away and never come back.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Damn, Finally...

My keyboard was finally delivered.

Boycott UPS anyway. Those bitches!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Life In South Cali

Well, I just got my first hysterical family member email. It was from my sister, Yinorah. She's freaking out because I did not send her the weekly email that I supposedly "promised" her that I would send her. Shit, if I knew that all I had to do to get my family's attention was move, I would have moved ages ago :)

JM and I will be heading up north to spend the holidays with his family. I can't lie. I'm a bit nervous about it. It's a big deal to me! We will be going to his parent's place and then everyone including his sisters and significant others and kids will be heading up to San Francisco. I've never been there so I'm psyched about checking it out.

As for how things are going with JM and me. Well, I had forgotten that living with someone is no walk in the park though JM and I get along fabulously. But like any couple, we have our differences. But one thing that I can say is that we are committed to making this work. I don't kid myself I know that we are going to have our good times and bad times and I have found that when there is completely open and honest communication - things run a bit smoother. But definitely, living together is nothing like dating. Also throw in the fact that Cali is zero like New York and you've got adjustment issues to take care of. As soon as I got here, I got like a mini-flu and had jetlag on top of that. Yup, it's so hard going from winter in NY to spring-like in California. JM has been an absolute sweetheart from day one. Spending as much time together as possible and when he's not around, he still calls me to check up on me and see if I need anything. JM is definitely an extremely loving and attentive boyfriend. I'm definitely a very lucky girl! Plus he's not a drama queen - that's my job LOL

Blah, blah, blah.... I have to get back to my snarky self .... eventually.

Could It Be?

I finally received a call announcing that my keyboard has been found and will be delivered to me today.

Ever the cynic. I'll believe it when I see it. :-D


Do you have to have a big ego or be a bit of a narcissist to be a musician?

Do you have to mention how special you are in some of your songs? Of course not but if you listen to alot of the songs played on the radio, someone is busy tooting their own horn.

Btw, Mariah Carey you need to come up with some new poses. That whole video "Don't Forget about Us" is all about her posing in all her signature poses. Learn how to dance or work with someone in modeling. I probably know what the right side of her face looks like more than she does cause that's all we ever see.

I was reading LA Weekly and found it rather disturbing how many ads for cosmetic surgery were in there. I always read that California was the land of plastic surgery but it became real to me when I found no less than 10 pages of ad for plastic surgery in this weekly rag...

Sad. Very, very sad.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Crabby Cat

I'm in a shitty mood today. Busy berating myself for the usual stuff. I have no talents, no gifts to give. I'm just a fucking failure and all that other shit like that. I know I shouldn't do this to myself but I can't stop. On some level I really do believe this because Im 33 and I feel that I've made no real contributions to the world.

I'm not a person that can just take a job and live paycheck to paycheck. My work has to matter! It has to have an effect. A positive one.

Basically I'm dealing with the issues that I have always had about myself. JM has been so kind and has tried to snap me out of my funk but distraction doesn't work with me. I have to go through my funk and snap out of it when I'm good and ready.

Right now, this crab in hiding out in her shell.

What is my gift? What is my talent? Why is it always a big fucking question mark?

Sunday, December 11, 2005



In the darkness

The light is born anew.

In the silence

The call is heard aloud.

Let new life waken

Let dry husks crumble.

The end and the beginning are one.

Deepest night nourishes the seed of life

Waiting in the womb.

Patience breathes the rhythm that brings life.

Time stands still at the beginning

Poised, waiting for the moment's first sigh.

We stand on the threshold of now

The past behind, the future before.

We are awake, yet dreaming

Hovering in the moment's birth.

Let us be still and know

The treasure lies within our grasp

As long as we do not grasp it,

Ours, as long as we do not claim it.

As we are present in the precious moment

So we become the peace we seek.

Between sleeping and waking

We call out our dream

And the seed grows to become all that we are.

Blessed Be.

© Tasha Halpert


Why Is This Bitch Not Posting?

JM and I have been running around all over Cali and you would've thought that I would have posted all about it - pics and all. But no. I've been either lazy or experiencing blogger's block.

Give me time. I have some cool pics that I took today that I will post real soon.

Happy sunday everyone!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Rock and Soul

Last night I found myself praying to the Blessed Mother. I found myself questioning my decision to go into music. I don't know why I do that. Is it because I'm afraid? I know part of it has to do with my fear of having enough talent. I see performers on MTV and VH1 and I start to wonder if I have what it takes. I've always been merciless when it comes to criticizing myself and talents. But I asked myself " If you couldn't do music, what else would you want to do?" So many career choices out there and I could not come up with anything else that I would want to do.

I think it is that I don't want to be a pop singer. I want to be a soul/rock singer. Just me and the microphone. My emotions and rendition of the songs. Sort of like Luis Miguel. He's doesn't do anything fancy. He gets on stage, grabs his mike and starts singing. You are immediately sucked into his world and you never want to get out. Now if I wonder if I can get a band to back me up.

Thinking, thinking.....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lust Du Jour: Adriana Lima

Is that a nip slip from Adriana? That tease!

She's hot and evil looking. I like that in a girl...a girl that looks that she could kill you with her eyes or vagina...whichever works first....

Quote Of The Day

The real richness is in be-ness. People can take all you have, all that you've collected. People can stop your labour, or an accident can stop you. When you are, you never lose what you are...
~ Torkom Saraydarian ~

Why the F*** do I even watch that show?

Did anyone watch America's Top Model last night? I cannot believe that big-tooth South Dakota idiot Nicole won. Niki was robbed!

What's going on in the world? I've been driving around shopping for stuff for the apartment and am kind of out of the loop right now.

I'll be heading out learning how to get around the buses and trains soon enough. Right now I feel kind of confined to the couple of blocks around the apartment complex because I don't want to get lost as I've already done.

Ok, so I'm pretty much done unpacking my stuff. I really didn't travel with much. No, my keyboard has still not arrived but they promised me it would be here today, so let's see.

UPS Can Kiss My Puerto Rican Behind!

I am seriously being tested. UPS has "lost "my keyboard. I am beyond pissed about this. I keep calling and all I get is the bullshit runaround. If you don't know, say that you don't know. These California UPS workers are a bit too fucking laid back and they're looking for a good ol' New Yorker bitchslap if the keyboard doesn't fucking show up soon.

Fucking ridiculous.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What can I say?

Sorry for the lack in posts. I've needed a couple of days to adjust, unpack, etc. My emotions have been all over the place but I've been able to somewhat contain them because it's perfectly normal to feel weird emotions when starting over. I've haven't wanted to bore anyone with my introspective wonderings.

Being on my own today, I kind of feel isolated. At least in New York you are always surrounded by people but in Cali you realized how separated you are from people. I don't know my way on the buses/trains so I've spent most of the day in the apartment and it's too quiet here LOL

I hope to make new friends here. Good friends.

Ugh! Too much thinking. I'm off to find someplace to find coffee.... Later y'all.....

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I Am The Champion :P

First outing on my own! I got back safe and sound. I'll figure this shit or no car.

Happy 37th Birthday to My Honey!

Today is JM's birthday and so I wanted to post just for him.

Happy Happy Happy birthday to the kindest, most loving, tender and wonderful man ever! We are so lucky to have eachother and I hope I can bring half as much happiness into your life as you have brought into mine...

Enjoy your day, birthday boy!

Monday, December 05, 2005

What kind of Music do you play?

Wow, I'm tired. I have no idea as to what's going on with me. I'm like sleepy or hungry all the time. I keep thinking that it's just the adjustment but who the fuck knows. I slept 11 hours last night so I don't know what's the deal. Maybe the warm, springy weather is fucking with my senses LOL...

Isn't it cold and snowing in NYC at this point? I feel sorry for y'all. I've been bitchin' about how I need to buy new sunglasses. The sun is just beamin' today.

I met a few of JM's fellow friends/faculty members. They all asked me the same question. What kind of music are you focusing on? I gave different answers. Really I don't have a specific type that I want to commit to right now. I'm eclectic. I would want to mix styles and create something that is my own.

Yesterday we went to a guitar center and there were some seriously, awesome guitars. I want to buy one but I'm going to wait on that until I speak with JM's friend Edwin who has been playing guitar for over 40 years. I don't want to get myself a cheap guitar. At first, I was thinking about getting an acoustic one but I've changed my mind. I'm going to get myself an electric guitar because underneath the NY exterior is a rock chick just waiting to get out LOL

Monday in Alta Loma

The past couple of days I've been adjusting to my new life in California. I'll have to get used to always being in a car as most stores are not near by.

JM and I went on a shopping spree yesterday. Buying stuff for our apartment. It was fun but it was so tiring. I don't know how people actually enjoying going shopping frequently - it's just not my thing.

Anyway, today I'm heading off to the college with JM to start the whole registration/financial aid process plus check out the campus while he's off teaching. No dilly dallying...

I'll soon sit down and start up my job search. I'll be glad to be working again. It's time to be employed and a contributing member of society...


Starting Over in Cali

Ok, peeps I'm back! Yes, I am now living in California.

The days before leaving New York were ultra busy and by the time I got to the airport, I was ready to crash out. Not to happen with a supposed ex-navy seal sitting next to me. I say supposed because his stories were so grandiose and outlandish that you have to think that it's all bullshit. Some men are so needy for attention.

Anyway, once I arrived in Ontario, CA - I had been on the plane six hours and 30 minutes. I was exhausted, experiencing a strange phenomenon called "butt numbness" and occasional leg cramps.

JM was there with lots of hugs and kisses and his killer smile.

Yesterday morning I decided to invite JM out to breakfast at the neighborhood IHOP. We went and I was busy yapping and it wasn't only until I notice the man at the next table looking at me, that I was speaking very loud, my very obvious New York accent was on display and I was cursing like a sailor while telling JM about the tales the Navy Seal had shared with me. I had not realized in all that time that there were kids sitting at the table next to us and that they were hearing me curse. I caught myself and stopped with the cursing but you know, fuck it. I'm a New Yorker and I've gotta be me.

California is going to have to adjust to me not the other way around. :)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

The Goddess Re-Emerges Just In Time

by Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway

I believe the Goddess is re-emerging just in time. The Goddess is re-emerging to show us another side of ourselves, or at least to help us consider God is both masculine and feminine in nature, and therefore, that we all possess The Divine Within. She's come just in time. Here's why:

* Women feel left out of traditional religion. It's not just about becoming a clergy person or having power, it's about being able to recognize our own divinity. Men have been able to recognize their divinity through worship of a male divine. It's time that women access the Goddess Within, but first, we need role models.

* Men are shut off from their feminine energy, and quite frankly, in many cases from their softness as well. There is so little in religious environments in our culture - and most of the world's cultures - that nurtures that side of males. Men are suffering and our world is suffering because we still do not completely support the idea of men being sensitive, loving, gentle, forgiving, healing - even mushy.

This is so odd, because that was exactly what the ministry of Jesus Christ was about. Jesus was in so many ways the embodiment of both the male and female principle. Of Mary Magdalene, it has been said, "he could not see her in tears without himself weeping." He spent every waking moment of his ministry embracing people in his love, and continues to do so. I mean, who would dare call Christ a wimp? Yet we often label men who are in touch with that part of themselves by that name.

Because of the ingrained idea of a male divinity, our relationship lives are utterly confusing. Love means war when instead of accessing all the qualities of the male and feminine in ourselves, we seek partners to make us whole. We have to learn to come into relationships whole, and we can only do that when we embrace all aspects of the Divine.

* We've got kids to raise, and it's time we teach them that all of who they are is okay; that their sex doesn't have to assign them to specific gender roles; that we are all made up of the male and female principle, the yin-yang. If we raise our boys to know the divine only in male terms, then we deny them access to a part of themselves. If we teach our girls that the Feminine Divine only exists in fairy tales, they will grow up as Barbie Dolls instead of as Goddesses.

* We live in a world that is spinning out of control. This became so painfully evident with the September 11, 2001 attack on our nation, which brought forth a darkness that shocked and pained us all. But even before that, we were at war with one another and within ourselves, and our world reeled with imbalances: violence in our schools, people starving to death on a planet that has plenty of food to feed everyone, one natural catastrophe after another. Mom Nature has been trying to get our attention. God/ Goddess/ All There Is has been whispering in our ear. We must take stock of our world and ourselves. We must change, now.

New York author Rick Carrier told me that his book The Mother of God is about a female deity who walks the earth to come and tell us: CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM. It is time to clean up our planet, our personal lives, our pain, our wounding of one another and our earth, our relationships, our bad habits, our unconsciousness.

The Feminine Divine lives to love and protect all her children. She's there for us always but she's screaming out for our attention: "Listen to your mother," she calls, "I know what's best for you!"

Copyright Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, all rights reserved, 2005. Reprinted here with permission.
Thanks to Spiritually Speaking too :)

Did Katie Holmes Sign a Contract ?

As sickening as those two are, I'm hooked on the gossip. A little tid-bit about the TomKat engagement from the Daily News :

"So here's what I'm hearing about that relationship.
A source VERY close to the deal is saying there's a contract.
It's worth $5 million.
It's for five years.
There will be no sex.
The deal was sealed June 7.
That's what I'm hearing."

Daily Buddhist Wisdom

Living in forests far away from other people is not true seclusion. True seclusion is to be free from the power of likes and dislikes. It is also to be free from the mental attitude that one must be special because one is treading the path.

Those who remove themselves to far forests often feel superior to others. They think that because they are solitary they are being guided in a special way and that those who live an ordinary life can never have that experience. But that is conceit and is not help to others. The true recluse is one who is available to others, helping them with affectionate speech and personal example.

From "Buddha Speaks," edited by Anne Bancroft, 2000. Reprinted by arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boston,

Why Do I Blog?

Initially, I started blogging because I was feeling extremely frustrated by certain situations in my life. I was angry, in emotional pain and I was repressing all of it. Not sharing it with anyone and I was walking around with this tight feeling in my chest and throat from not opening my mouth and letting my emotions out.

I don't quite remember how I came across Blogger but that doesn't matter. Once I started, I became hooked. I blogged all the time. At home, at work - wherever. I just had so much to say and I felt like I had opened a faucet and it could no longer be closed. For as long as I could, I kept it my little secret. I wanted it to be something that was all mine and all about me. It was my therapy. At one point, it became more helpful to me than my actual therapist. Plus, it was free LOL.

I've been blogging eight months now and I have to tell you that I don't even recognize the person I was when I started blogging. I'm no longer repressed, angry or in pain. Yes, I still get into my crappy moods but I snap out of them pretty quickly now. Blogging is like journaling to me and it has helped me to open myself. I've made changes in my life. Positive, strong changes that happened when I was ready to make those changes and I have my blogging buddies to thank for that and also to Blogger for providing me with a forum that quite frankly took me away from my negative self.

Of course, all glory and praise goes to the Goddess and the Horned God. Without them, I would not be here. I give thanks to the Old Ones for their patience, love, guidance, direction and for helping me to realize my path and for always bringing me back when I stray.

Thank you to everyone for your friendship and support and continued readership.

This is why I blog. Enjoy your Saturday everyone! It's gorgeous outside :)


Strugglin' to Post

I've attempted to post about six times today and just couldn't finish what I started. I guess I didn't find it all that interesting and if I don't find it an interesting read, I don't think you all will either.

Just finished watching "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler. I have always loved that film. I've seen it about 10 times already and I never get tired of it. I guess I'm a secret romantic hehe

So everywhere you go and every channel you turn to, the same shit. The TomKat Engagement. You know, I'm not completely cynical when it comes to love. I believe that it exists and that people do fall passionately in love BUT this whole situation reeks of "falsitude" ( is that a real word?) that I can't stand to even look at those two. I can't stand to see them overact, oversmile, overtouch, over kiss and overgush about one another. It's really sickening to watch. Change the channel you say? Or don't buy the mags? I still wouldn't be able to escape those two. Like the air, they are everywhere.

Oh well, maybe I'm the one with the issues. I wouldn't be surprised.

I'm still reading the book " Sex, Love and Dharma by Arthur Jeon. I have to say that it's blowing my mind. It really is a book that takes a very down-to-earth, practical but spritual approach to relationships. What's amazing is that he explains things in simple, laymen's terms but at the same time he's really relaying some heavy info. It's a great book and I highly recommend it.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up,examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say,"That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it in the first place ?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Where's my Advil?

Pounding Headache
Must go home
I'm stressed

Oscars - PT. 2

Jamie Foxx -- Best Actor. Horrid speech.

Morgan Freeman - a total class act.

Hillary Swank - always prepared as a true, professional actress should be

Cate Blanchett - I was taking a shower when she got her award so I don't know

The Oscars was dull. Chris Rock played it too safe.

The Oscars Recap

I am so disappointed. I thought Chris Rock was going to kick butt! He is funny but there's so many boring awards to give out. Also, if I have to listen to another song sung by Beyonce - I'm going to go postal on someone big time... She can turn any beautiful movie song into a Destiny Child's crapfest.

Thank god, Morgan Freeman finally won an Oscar. About time he received some praise and props.

More later or maybe tomorrow because this show is putting me to sleep.

ADD Nerds In Concert!

Old San Juan, PR

San Juan, PR Posted by Hello

Miscellaneous - Blah, Blah, Blah

I live in Williamsburg and it's not as hip as everyone thinks it is. Especially not the part that I live in. Yes, I see lots of people moving here that are quite obviously not from New York and I think how they all got suckered into moving here. I came here out of necessity and they have volunteered to live in an over-hyped and over-valued rinky dink part of brooklyn. But these are youngs kids and I see their stay here being temporary. It's never going to go back to the way it was before and that's a good thing but the way it is now is temporary. Hm, I could see it becoming sort of Park Slope-ish in a few years...Maybe then I will decide to move to a nice apartment.

Finally! The Oscar Awards are tonight! Mark called me about an hour ago and we started talking about our favorites. I think it's between Million Dollar Baby and The Aviator for Best Movie. Best Actor? Definitely Jamie Foxx. Best Actress? Hillary Swank. Best Supporting Actor? Clive Owen. Best Supporting Actress? Cate Blanchett...We'll soon see if I'm right or wrong. I love seeing what everyone is wearing, who's hosting and who's speech is the lamest and most moving.

Know what I hate. These effing mommy and daddy blogs. I have tried reading them but if you yourself do not have children - it will put you to sleep or a coma - whichever comes first. Every mom or dad thinks their kid is the greatest. I'd rather have a puppy. A wittle, wittle puppy, awwwww...

Anyway, so like I was saying. These mommy/daddy blogs are popping up everywhere. It's not the fact that these are parents that are blogging, it's the fact that they describe themselves on their blogs as just parents. So they're not individuals? Not just a man or a woman? Not an artist or engineer? No, they're a mom or dad. Sort of like Lisa Whelchel and her crazy ass blog. This WAS a hollywood actress! Now all she talks about is her husband, kids, church and her quasi-gambling addiction.

I was checking out Craigslist today after not looking at that site for months. I decided to entertain myself by posting as a escort. Got over 50 responses and no lie, most of them described themselves as married. Ladies, watch your men. If they know about Craigslist, trust me - they're looking for some punani on the side... I always enjoy looking for the ads placed by a former friend of mine, Gary. His ad is alway in Casual Encounters and its the one with the most spelling errors and lack of commas and periods. Plus his ad is ALWAYS in caps. Don't answer his ad, ladies. He just wants to jerk off while watching you tied up to his socks and some wirehangers. He also likes to take pictures of that... and yes, he is married but he won't lie to you about that. Don't say I haven't warned you.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Before I Practice

I'm up early to do some Yoga. I am trying to keep this promise to myself to get up earlier and practice whether I want to or not. Yoga is not just an exercise for the body, it's a spiritual practice that is excellent for your spirit and enlightenment.

Major, major changes are happening in my life. But at least its not bad and overly painful changes like in 2002. This time, they're changes that are meant to tell me that there is a better way. A better life. A better way to function and exist within this world.

Mr. Wiggles

Mr. Wiggles Posted by Hello

Saturday, February 26, 2005

The Queen is not attending Charles' Wedding

Prince Charles Posted by Hello

Musician Du Jour: Chris Botti

Chris Botti Posted by Hello

Chris is not your average musician. He is an extremely talented Trumpeter and his music just makes me swoon..... :)

It's classic, it's jazzy and he truly makes it his own.

If you're open to something new and different that just takes you back to the old days when jazz was more appreciated, check out Chris's website. Fabulous and he's a hottie too!

An Osho Moment:2/26

Gautam Buddha is passing near a village which consists of high caste brahmins only. They are very much against Gautam Buddha, they have all gathered outside the village to condemn him, to abuse him. He stands there listening to their abuse, their allegations, their lies. Even Ananda -- who has been with him all these years -- feels angry. Because they were born into a royal family: they were warriors, their whole training was to fight. But because Gautam Buddha is present, he controls himself; otherwise he would have killed one or two people then and there.

Gautam Buddha said to them, "You see that the sun is going to set soon, and we have to reach the other village before the sun sets. If you have not finished all that you wanted to say to me, I will make a point that when I return I set aside enough time to listen to you again. And in two days, I will be returning along the same route -- so it will be very kind of you if you can wait just two days."

One man from the crowd said, "You don't seem to be disturbed at all. And we are not just saying things to you -- we are abusing you, insulting you."

Gautam Buddha said, "You have come a little late. If you had come ten years before, you would not have gone back alive. I am also a warrior. There would have been bloodshed here; not a single man in this crowd would have gone back alive. But you have come a little late.

"In the village just before this village, people came with sweets and fruits. And we said, `We eat only once a day, and we have taken our food, so it would be very kind if you would take these things back with you. We are grateful.' What do you think they did with those sweets and those fruits?"

Somebody said, "They must have distributed them amongst themselves; they must have eaten them."

Buddha said, "You are intelligent. Do the same: whatever you have brought, I don't accept; take it back. Because unless I accept your insult, you cannot insult me; it is a two-way affair. It is your mouth, you can say anything -- but unless I accept it, you are just talking into the air. Just go home and say all these things to each other; enjoy. And I will be coming again after two days, so be ready."

They were shocked, and they could not believe -- what kind of man is this? When they moved on, Ananda said to Buddha, "This is too much. There were moments when I was going to jump and hit the man! Just because of you, I tried to control my temptation."

Buddha said -- and remember it -- he said: "What those people were saying has not hurt me.

What you are saying hurts me. You have been with me for so many years, and yet you are not aware enough to know what to take and what not to take? Can't you discriminate?"

I want you not to become missionaries, I want you to become messages.

And that is possible only if you are utterly selfish, so that before you start helping others, you have helped yourself; before you start enlightening other people, you are enlightened yourself.

That's what I mean by being selfish.

Whatever you want to spread must be your living experience.

-Osho, Beyond Enlightenment

A Moment to Share ....

I am all Paris Hilton-ed out! I have had enough of gossip about her to last me a life time. Every magazine you pick up, there she is. Turn on the Tv, there she is too. All my favorite blogs, dammit, there is she again. There is no escaping her. Not even on my blog. Can anyone tell me what EXACTLY Ms. Hilton has done that has merited her being so famous and at this point - overexposed? Inquiring minds would like to know.

If hackers are going to be getting into anyone's Sidekick, why not the president's sidekick. I'm sure Georgie boy has one too. He hides it in Condy's punani. I know you know that those two are getting down and dirty, right? Oh you didn't? Well, let me enlighten you... they're doing the nasty.

But enough gossip! For today that is...

Went to see " Diary of a Mad Black Woman" - very, very funny! Check it out if you are in the mood to laugh your bum off..

And now its time!

Enjoy your evening everybody!

Just Me and My Gummies

I decided to google myself and found 50 listings for myself. Isn't that wild? To go from zero to fifty in such a short period of time. Of course, its all mainly comments that I've left on other blogs. No biggie... But when the internet caches something by you, it's there forever LOL

Anyway, I'm going to check out "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" tonight. From the looks of the trailer, it's hysterically funny and I could use a few laughs. This week was long and dragging... I had intended on meeting up with a certain buddhist group but I just may just skip it this time around. Another weekend on the DL... the way I like it...


Don't Go Back to Sleep (Poem)

For years, copying other people,
I tried to know myself.
From within, I couldn't decide what to do.
Unable to see, I heard my name being called.
Then I walked outside.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep.

Mevlâna Jalâluddîn Rumi
Version by Coleman Barks

Meaning of Love

A man once fell madly in love with a beautiful woman. He followed her for days and finally went up to her on the street and declared his undying, all-consuming love.

He went on and on, and finally the woman interrupted, “Your words are lovely,but my sister is coming along behind me. She is far more beautiful than I am,and I’m sure that you will prefer her to me.”

As the man spun around to took at the beautiful sister, the woman slapped him sharply on the back of his neck. She exclaimed, “I thought you said that your love for me was all-consuming and undying. Some love you have! The instant I mentioned a more beautiful woman, you turned away from me to took at her. You don’t even know the meaning of love!”

==Sheikh Muzaffer

An Osho Moment : 2/25

BOREDOM IS GETTING STUCK at one point -- repeating, repeating, repeating. Joy is in exploration -- finding new people, new spaces. It is simple common sense.

People are bored in their job because they allowed others to decide their job; their parents wanted them to be a doctor, so they are a doctor. They never had any inner urge to be a doctor, and they never listened to their inner voice.

It is never too late; they can start listening to their inner voice. And it is better to drop a job and do the thing they always wanted to do. It may be a loss in salary; economically it may not be good, but spiritually it is going to take away the boredom. And what are you going to do with the money, with all the facilities that the job gives you, if you are utterly bored? It is better to be a beggar but not bored, than to be an emperor and be bored.

These are common-sense insights. The cities are becoming bigger and bigger. The villages are disappearing, and with the disappearing villages the pure air, the unpolluted atmosphere -- that is disappearing. People should just see it; they should start moving towards the villages. They should start doing farming, gardening; and there are thousands of other things. It just needs a little courage.

The city has no future.

Small villages can convert themselves into communes, which would give them a new structure, which would make people free of children and would make the children free of parental power. And they could have more fresh food, fresh water, fresh air.

There were all running to the city for one thing -- because it gives money, and the villages cannot give money. Why have villages been disappearing, and big, monstrous cities coming up? The reason is that everybody is after money, not understanding a simple thing, that money cannot buy anything that makes life a beautiful, blissful pilgrimage. It can buy many things, but they are useless if the man himself loses his soul.

If the cities disappear into villages, much of the pollution will also disappear. The cities are almost like a canceric growth, that goes on growing bigger and bigger. The people in power cannot do anything because their power needs money -- not love, not blissfulness, not joy -- just money.

AND YOUR SO-CALLED WISE PEOPLE are nothing but politicians in another garb of religious heads; their whole interest is also in power. It is a different kind of power, more subtle, but all the same it is power. They would not like the cities to disappear. Their power depends on the boredom of man, his loveless life, his meaningless life, his anguish, because these are the things which bring people to their feet -- to the churches, to the temples, to the synagogues. They may say great things, but basically they don't want these things to disappear. If these things completely disappeared, churches would be empty and nobody would go to the synagogue -- there is no reason to go to the physician because you are sick.

There is a certain vested interest that the physician has in your sickness. I have heard of a young man who had just come home from medical college. His father was not feeling well. He said, "I would like to rest for a few days. And now you are back fully qualified... I am proud of you, that you topped the university -- now you take care of the dispensary."

After three days the son came and told the father, "You must be proud of me! That old woman -- the richest in the city, whom you have been treating for thirty years -- I have treated her in three days. Now she is perfectly okay."

The father said "My God! She is the woman who has paid all your fees and all your expenses at medical college. She is also paying the expenses of your younger brother in college. You have destroyed half of my business!

"You idiot, don't you know that when a poor man comes you should cure him immediately, because he is going to be an unnecessary harassment. When a rich man comes, take time -- there is no hurry. If one illness disappears, let another appear. A really rich man should be a lifelong patient. This is a basic rule of the profession. You have learned medicine, but you have not learned the medical profession."

The priest has a vested interest in man's misery. And it is really unbelievable, but it is the truth: the magistrate has a vested interest in criminals, the advocates have a vested interest in criminals. They are supposed to do justice, they are supposed to be fair; but basically their profession is based on these poor people. If everybody is a nice, good gentleman and there is no criminal anywhere, what are all your magistrates, all your jailers, all your advocates, and all your legal professionals going to do? They will have to commit suicide -- their whole profession will be gone.

Osho: Light on the Path: Talks in the Himalayas

Friday, February 25, 2005

Finally Friday

Good Morning all!

I cannot tell you how much work I have to get done today. I will not be leaving the office today until ALL of it is completed. When did I become a workaholic? Working late nights and even considering going in on the weekend? It's just not healthy.

Thought of The Day: Facing Your Fears
Before you can become a light-bearer, you must walk through your own darkness. The bearer of the light does not deny the darkness, but walks through it.

When there is nothing about yourself or anyone else that you are afraid to look at, the darkness has no more hold over you. Then you can walk through the darkness and be the light.

Where does light come from? It comes from you. Once you stop playing the victim and face your fears, the atmosphere that surrounds you brightens. In your blessing of yourself, the entire world is forgiven.


"A calm person reflects restfulness in her eyes, keen intelligence in her face, and proper receptivity in her mind. She is a woman of decisive and prompt action, but she is not moved by impulses and desires that suddenly occur to her."


"Everyone has self-limiting idiosyncrasies. These were not put into your nature by the Gods, but were created by you. These are what you must change-by remembering that these habits, peculiar to your nature, are nothing but manifestations of your own thoughts.


"In being spiritual, mental, and material service to others, you will find your own needs fulfilled. As you forget self in service to others, you will find that, without seeking it, your own cup of happiness will be full."


"Ordinary love is selfish, darkly rooted in desires and satisfactions. Divine Love is without conditions, without boundary, without change. The flux of the human heart is gone forever at the transfixing touch of pure love."

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Get me outta here!

Today just fucking dragged. Swear to the Gods I thought the day was never going to end and I was just going to end up jumping from my building. Nothing bad happened but I just felt to restless today that I couldn't take being in such a small office. I felt completely claustophobic.

Anyway, seems we have quite a winter storm coming our way. Emily was thrilled to bits about it. Of course, she loves snow because she didn't grow up around it, what with being from Hawaii and all. I'm not a big fan of the snow. But I'm used to it. However, no matter how much it snows in New York - my favorite season continues to be Spring....