Friday, December 16, 2005

Beautiful Agony

Have you ever wondered what random people look like while having an orgasm? Yeah, me neither. But that hasn't stopped the website, Beautiful Agony from putting together videos and videos of people just having orgasms.

They even have free samples for you to indulge your voyeuristic tendencies. Enjoy! :)

Thursday, December 15, 2005

If only dreams came true

Yes, die! die! die!

Ok, I know "die" actually means "the" but I can hope, right?

Die hiltons! die or at least just go away and never come back.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Damn, Finally...

My keyboard was finally delivered.

Boycott UPS anyway. Those bitches!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Life In South Cali

Well, I just got my first hysterical family member email. It was from my sister, Yinorah. She's freaking out because I did not send her the weekly email that I supposedly "promised" her that I would send her. Shit, if I knew that all I had to do to get my family's attention was move, I would have moved ages ago :)

JM and I will be heading up north to spend the holidays with his family. I can't lie. I'm a bit nervous about it. It's a big deal to me! We will be going to his parent's place and then everyone including his sisters and significant others and kids will be heading up to San Francisco. I've never been there so I'm psyched about checking it out.

As for how things are going with JM and me. Well, I had forgotten that living with someone is no walk in the park though JM and I get along fabulously. But like any couple, we have our differences. But one thing that I can say is that we are committed to making this work. I don't kid myself I know that we are going to have our good times and bad times and I have found that when there is completely open and honest communication - things run a bit smoother. But definitely, living together is nothing like dating. Also throw in the fact that Cali is zero like New York and you've got adjustment issues to take care of. As soon as I got here, I got like a mini-flu and had jetlag on top of that. Yup, it's so hard going from winter in NY to spring-like in California. JM has been an absolute sweetheart from day one. Spending as much time together as possible and when he's not around, he still calls me to check up on me and see if I need anything. JM is definitely an extremely loving and attentive boyfriend. I'm definitely a very lucky girl! Plus he's not a drama queen - that's my job LOL

Blah, blah, blah.... I have to get back to my snarky self .... eventually.

Could It Be?

I finally received a call announcing that my keyboard has been found and will be delivered to me today.

Ever the cynic. I'll believe it when I see it. :-D


Do you have to have a big ego or be a bit of a narcissist to be a musician?

Do you have to mention how special you are in some of your songs? Of course not but if you listen to alot of the songs played on the radio, someone is busy tooting their own horn.

Btw, Mariah Carey you need to come up with some new poses. That whole video "Don't Forget about Us" is all about her posing in all her signature poses. Learn how to dance or work with someone in modeling. I probably know what the right side of her face looks like more than she does cause that's all we ever see.

I was reading LA Weekly and found it rather disturbing how many ads for cosmetic surgery were in there. I always read that California was the land of plastic surgery but it became real to me when I found no less than 10 pages of ad for plastic surgery in this weekly rag...

Sad. Very, very sad.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Crabby Cat

I'm in a shitty mood today. Busy berating myself for the usual stuff. I have no talents, no gifts to give. I'm just a fucking failure and all that other shit like that. I know I shouldn't do this to myself but I can't stop. On some level I really do believe this because Im 33 and I feel that I've made no real contributions to the world.

I'm not a person that can just take a job and live paycheck to paycheck. My work has to matter! It has to have an effect. A positive one.

Basically I'm dealing with the issues that I have always had about myself. JM has been so kind and has tried to snap me out of my funk but distraction doesn't work with me. I have to go through my funk and snap out of it when I'm good and ready.

Right now, this crab in hiding out in her shell.

What is my gift? What is my talent? Why is it always a big fucking question mark?

Sunday, December 11, 2005



In the darkness

The light is born anew.

In the silence

The call is heard aloud.

Let new life waken

Let dry husks crumble.

The end and the beginning are one.

Deepest night nourishes the seed of life

Waiting in the womb.

Patience breathes the rhythm that brings life.

Time stands still at the beginning

Poised, waiting for the moment's first sigh.

We stand on the threshold of now

The past behind, the future before.

We are awake, yet dreaming

Hovering in the moment's birth.

Let us be still and know

The treasure lies within our grasp

As long as we do not grasp it,

Ours, as long as we do not claim it.

As we are present in the precious moment

So we become the peace we seek.

Between sleeping and waking

We call out our dream

And the seed grows to become all that we are.

Blessed Be.

© Tasha Halpert


Why Is This Bitch Not Posting?

JM and I have been running around all over Cali and you would've thought that I would have posted all about it - pics and all. But no. I've been either lazy or experiencing blogger's block.

Give me time. I have some cool pics that I took today that I will post real soon.

Happy sunday everyone!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Rock and Soul

Last night I found myself praying to the Blessed Mother. I found myself questioning my decision to go into music. I don't know why I do that. Is it because I'm afraid? I know part of it has to do with my fear of having enough talent. I see performers on MTV and VH1 and I start to wonder if I have what it takes. I've always been merciless when it comes to criticizing myself and talents. But I asked myself " If you couldn't do music, what else would you want to do?" So many career choices out there and I could not come up with anything else that I would want to do.

I think it is that I don't want to be a pop singer. I want to be a soul/rock singer. Just me and the microphone. My emotions and rendition of the songs. Sort of like Luis Miguel. He's doesn't do anything fancy. He gets on stage, grabs his mike and starts singing. You are immediately sucked into his world and you never want to get out. Now if I wonder if I can get a band to back me up.

Thinking, thinking.....

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Lust Du Jour: Adriana Lima

Is that a nip slip from Adriana? That tease!

She's hot and evil looking. I like that in a girl...a girl that looks that she could kill you with her eyes or vagina...whichever works first....

Quote Of The Day

The real richness is in be-ness. People can take all you have, all that you've collected. People can stop your labour, or an accident can stop you. When you are, you never lose what you are...
~ Torkom Saraydarian ~

Why the F*** do I even watch that show?

Did anyone watch America's Top Model last night? I cannot believe that big-tooth South Dakota idiot Nicole won. Niki was robbed!

What's going on in the world? I've been driving around shopping for stuff for the apartment and am kind of out of the loop right now.

I'll be heading out learning how to get around the buses and trains soon enough. Right now I feel kind of confined to the couple of blocks around the apartment complex because I don't want to get lost as I've already done.

Ok, so I'm pretty much done unpacking my stuff. I really didn't travel with much. No, my keyboard has still not arrived but they promised me it would be here today, so let's see.

UPS Can Kiss My Puerto Rican Behind!

I am seriously being tested. UPS has "lost "my keyboard. I am beyond pissed about this. I keep calling and all I get is the bullshit runaround. If you don't know, say that you don't know. These California UPS workers are a bit too fucking laid back and they're looking for a good ol' New Yorker bitchslap if the keyboard doesn't fucking show up soon.

Fucking ridiculous.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What can I say?

Sorry for the lack in posts. I've needed a couple of days to adjust, unpack, etc. My emotions have been all over the place but I've been able to somewhat contain them because it's perfectly normal to feel weird emotions when starting over. I've haven't wanted to bore anyone with my introspective wonderings.

Being on my own today, I kind of feel isolated. At least in New York you are always surrounded by people but in Cali you realized how separated you are from people. I don't know my way on the buses/trains so I've spent most of the day in the apartment and it's too quiet here LOL

I hope to make new friends here. Good friends.

Ugh! Too much thinking. I'm off to find someplace to find coffee.... Later y'all.....

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I Am The Champion :P

First outing on my own! I got back safe and sound. I'll figure this shit or no car.

Happy 37th Birthday to My Honey!

Today is JM's birthday and so I wanted to post just for him.

Happy Happy Happy birthday to the kindest, most loving, tender and wonderful man ever! We are so lucky to have eachother and I hope I can bring half as much happiness into your life as you have brought into mine...

Enjoy your day, birthday boy!

Monday, December 05, 2005

What kind of Music do you play?

Wow, I'm tired. I have no idea as to what's going on with me. I'm like sleepy or hungry all the time. I keep thinking that it's just the adjustment but who the fuck knows. I slept 11 hours last night so I don't know what's the deal. Maybe the warm, springy weather is fucking with my senses LOL...

Isn't it cold and snowing in NYC at this point? I feel sorry for y'all. I've been bitchin' about how I need to buy new sunglasses. The sun is just beamin' today.

I met a few of JM's fellow friends/faculty members. They all asked me the same question. What kind of music are you focusing on? I gave different answers. Really I don't have a specific type that I want to commit to right now. I'm eclectic. I would want to mix styles and create something that is my own.

Yesterday we went to a guitar center and there were some seriously, awesome guitars. I want to buy one but I'm going to wait on that until I speak with JM's friend Edwin who has been playing guitar for over 40 years. I don't want to get myself a cheap guitar. At first, I was thinking about getting an acoustic one but I've changed my mind. I'm going to get myself an electric guitar because underneath the NY exterior is a rock chick just waiting to get out LOL

Monday in Alta Loma

The past couple of days I've been adjusting to my new life in California. I'll have to get used to always being in a car as most stores are not near by.

JM and I went on a shopping spree yesterday. Buying stuff for our apartment. It was fun but it was so tiring. I don't know how people actually enjoying going shopping frequently - it's just not my thing.

Anyway, today I'm heading off to the college with JM to start the whole registration/financial aid process plus check out the campus while he's off teaching. No dilly dallying...

I'll soon sit down and start up my job search. I'll be glad to be working again. It's time to be employed and a contributing member of society...


Starting Over in Cali

Ok, peeps I'm back! Yes, I am now living in California.

The days before leaving New York were ultra busy and by the time I got to the airport, I was ready to crash out. Not to happen with a supposed ex-navy seal sitting next to me. I say supposed because his stories were so grandiose and outlandish that you have to think that it's all bullshit. Some men are so needy for attention.

Anyway, once I arrived in Ontario, CA - I had been on the plane six hours and 30 minutes. I was exhausted, experiencing a strange phenomenon called "butt numbness" and occasional leg cramps.

JM was there with lots of hugs and kisses and his killer smile.

Yesterday morning I decided to invite JM out to breakfast at the neighborhood IHOP. We went and I was busy yapping and it wasn't only until I notice the man at the next table looking at me, that I was speaking very loud, my very obvious New York accent was on display and I was cursing like a sailor while telling JM about the tales the Navy Seal had shared with me. I had not realized in all that time that there were kids sitting at the table next to us and that they were hearing me curse. I caught myself and stopped with the cursing but you know, fuck it. I'm a New Yorker and I've gotta be me.

California is going to have to adjust to me not the other way around. :)