Monday, December 12, 2005

Crabby Cat

I'm in a shitty mood today. Busy berating myself for the usual stuff. I have no talents, no gifts to give. I'm just a fucking failure and all that other shit like that. I know I shouldn't do this to myself but I can't stop. On some level I really do believe this because Im 33 and I feel that I've made no real contributions to the world.

I'm not a person that can just take a job and live paycheck to paycheck. My work has to matter! It has to have an effect. A positive one.

Basically I'm dealing with the issues that I have always had about myself. JM has been so kind and has tried to snap me out of my funk but distraction doesn't work with me. I have to go through my funk and snap out of it when I'm good and ready.

Right now, this crab in hiding out in her shell.

What is my gift? What is my talent? Why is it always a big fucking question mark?